Love can be so close to pain
by LilRin
Summary: Sakura and Syaoran do get together but they end up breaking up. Sakura tries hard to find a better man but every time she gets too close she ends up getting hurt.(This fic will mostly be Syaoran's Point of view.)R&R [Chapter 3 is up]
1. Chapter 1

**_Summary:_** _Sakura and Syaoran do get together but they end up breaking up. Sakura tries hard to find a better man but every time she gets too close she ends up getting hurt. (This fic will mostly be Syaoran's Point of view.) _

**_"Love can be so close to pain"_**

"Good morning!" The man in the television said. "It'll be party cloudy and will rain later on in the afternoon. Don't forget those umbrellas!" He said. I yawned and shut the TV and prepared breakfast. I knocked on Sakura's door who was my roommate. "Sakura..." I said with a yawn. I'm 17 years old. I've known Sakura Kinomoto every since 4th grade. We used to be enemies and I used to try to beat her when it came to catching Clow Cards. We ended up in a relationship but it just didn't work out. I knew that we wouldn't suit each other that much though... Sakura came out of the door with her shirt and baggy pants.  
  
"Morning Syaoran..." She said.  
  
"Morning. Breakfast will be egg and bacon with orange juice and toast bread." I said. Sakura sat down.  
  
"Looks good..." She said. I knew something was wrong. You could just see it.  
  
"So another bad date?" I said with a teasing tone. She frowned and glared at me.  
  
"YEAH?! ARE YOU HAPPY?!" She said getting her toast and orange juice and stomped her way to her room. I frowned. Sometimes I can't help but tease her with those things.  
  
Sakura would always have problems with men even more since we broke up in 8th grade. Sakura is a great girlfriend but sometimes I wonder why everything always seems to go wrong whenever she's in a relationship or a date. Sometimes I feel that Eriol and Tomoyo have something to do with it but they wouldn't want to hurt their own friend. I stared at my food and sighed. I stood up and grabbed her food. I knocked on her door.   
  
"Sakura! Come on... I'm sorry..." I said as I tried to open the door but it ended up being locked.  
  
"NO! I HATE YOU SO MUCH..." She said as a little whimper came out. "I HATE YOU!! YOU'RE SO MEAN TO ME. YOU NEVER CARE ABOUT ME..." I took out my credit card and slid it through the door which made it open. Sakura was on the ground sitting near her bed. I placed the plate in front of her and sat next to her. "Hey, cheer up. You shouldn't lose that smile. You know you're famous for that." I smiled. She couldn't smile. I stood up and stretched. "Cheer up please... Tomoyo might be back soon... She'll kill me if she sees you frowning..." And I left.  
  
I can't stand it whenever she gets mad or just frowns. But it doesn't mean that I'm like still in love with her. She's just a friend like my own little sister. I fixed up the dishes and got ready to leave. "Sakura!! I'm going now!!" I yelled. No one answered. I got my keys and locked the door. My phone rang. "Li speaking..." I said. "Hey honey!" It was my other ex girlfriend Eri Lusaka.   
  
"What do you want?" I said.   
  
"Well honey don't you want to go with me today?" she said  
  
"No." I said firmly. She pouted again. "We're not together anymore. Leave me alone..."   
  
"So you're interested with that slut Kinomoto?" She said. I wished I could just kill her sometimes.  
  
"No. And she's not a slut!" I said. She laughed.  
  
"God Syaoran... Still playing games with her?" I could kill her any second and hide her body under some garden.   
  
"Fuck off Sakura. And you have no right to call me Syaoran... bitch" I said getting more angry.  
  
"Don't you love me?" She said.  
  
"Hell no..." I said and hung up.  
  
I met her on my second year of high school and broke up with her after 5 months. Ever since I started dating her she ruined my life. She'd always want to fuck with me or something. Plus I found out that she was using me for my money and for the revenge of losing her boyfriend to Sakura on 9th grade. I continued to walk to the streets and saw Eriol. "Hey!" He said with a smile. "Hey... Guess who called me earlier." I said. "Hmmm... Lusaka?" He said. I nodded. Eriol knows too much sometimes but I like him just like that. We jogged together around the neighborhood like always. We would always talk about things that were going on and giving some advice.  
  
"When is Tomoyo coming back?" I asked.   
  
"Hmm... I think by two weeks. I'm so excited to see her..." He said. I smirked.  
  
"Eriol... in love? I'm still surprised you're with her..." I said. He smiled.  
  
"Tomoyo's a great person and she's... ah... I don't know how to explain how beautiful she is or... just how special she is to me... It's too hard." He said with a little blush on his cheeks. I smiled.   
  
"Well Sakura's not doing that great when it comes to love..." I said. "She yelled and got mad at me again." Eriol shook his head like everytime I told him that. "You gatta learn to hold some things inside. Like when you were in love with her and couldn't say anything..." Eriol said. I glared at him as he brought me some memories. But he was right about that. I wonder why I can't just hold it in. We separated when we got to the next block. I walked home from there.  
  
When I returned home I heard Sakura from the door. It was like she was crying or something. I wanted to get to her but what would say? She's already mad at me from morning. But I sucked up and knocked on her door. "S-Sakura?" I said. She quieted down as if she didn't want me to hear her. The knob was locked again I took my card and slid it through the door and came in. There she was like a helpless little girl. She had a few bruises on her arm and leg. "S-Sakura!?" I said going to her. "W-what happened?!" I said and looked for my first aid kit. Sakura didn't say anything. "Sakura answer me..." I said. She just kept crying. "Shinji did this huh?" I said. I could feel the anger burning through my body. Fear came out of her eyes. She looked like she was going to cry louder. She grabbed hold on me. She hugged my tightly. She knew I'd hurt him. She didn't care if she got hurt she just didn't want anymore fighting.   
  
Shinji was the type of guy that would hurt women. Eriol and I would always tell him to back off Sakura but Sakura couldn't help but fall for his damn charm, although I can't seem to understand why his charm does attract many girls. But whenever she did get together with him he would always force her in sex or he would just hurt her when he wanted. He would usually get drunk and went to strip bars. Sakura cried on my shirt leaving it all wet. I hugged her back. "Sakura... Why did you let him in here? Tell me... It's okay." I said. She turned her head to the other side. "I just wanted to open it when I saw him. I-I was really upset... I needed to talk to someone..." She said. "Sakura... I'm here. Don't ever let him in here. Why don't you send charges on him? Or get a restraining order?" I said. She shook her head on my shirt. "I-I still love him..." She said. I sighed. I hugged her even tighter. "Sakura... You got to understand that he's hurting you too much and that you should find someone who won't hurt you." I said.   
  
I didn't think that Sakura heard what I told her when I left her room. The next day she acted like nothing bad happened and put on a fake smile. I frowned at her. "Why are you frowning so much?" She said with her fake smile. "You know... you shouldn't pretend when it comes to me... I'm your friend. I'm like your brother. Why do you have to hide things from me?" I said. "Why is there something wrong with that?" She said. I rolled my eyes. "See this is why our relationship didn't last. This is the reason why!" I said as I shook my head. "Well I'm so sorry Mr. _PERFECT_. I'm sorry I'm not as firkin' perfect like _YOU_!" She said to me. I stood up and slapped her. "Don't you _DARE_ say I'm _PERFECT_! I'm not perfect. But you should know that I'm here and I'll help you. So you don't have to firkin' talk like that to me or even hide stuff." I said.   
  
Three days pasted after that day. Sakura ended up leaving without any word after. All her clothes and important stuff were gone. I looked at her empty room. All that was left was the bed, an empty closet and a desk. "It's going to be hard looking for her..." I said and got the phone and called Eriol. "Hey did you hear anything from the police?" I asked. "Nope... We better have to find her before Tomoyo finds out she's missing too... Or else you're going to get beat up badly..." Eriol said. I hung up and went out again to look for her. As I walked for about 20 minutes my cell phone rang. "Li speaking..." I said. It was the police. "We found her. She's on the airport going to, I think London..." He said I hung up and ran to the airport. She was going to visit Tomoyo. I ran as fast as I did I was not ready to get beaten especially if it was a girl who I can't hit.  
  
Finally when I reached the airport Sakura was sitting down reading a book Tomoyo gave her. I walked slowly to her. "I've found you." I said and she turned to me with total shock. I sat down next to her. "You can go if you want but you have to tell me. I was worried." I said. She continued to read her book as if I was nothing. I frowned and looked at the window where the planes where taking off. "Well I'm sorry... I should have never slapped you." I said. She smiled. "You're forgiven. But I do have a right to keep things for myself. It's my life. I don't really need to share it with anyone... Not even Shinji." I was glad she got over him but I have a feeling there's going to be someone else in her life... again. I smiled and stood up. "Well hope you have a safe trip." I said as her flight was about to leave. "You know it feels like just when we were kids." She said. "Huh?" I said. She giggled. "Like when you left and I gave you that teddy bear... I bet you still have it too." She said as I smile. She went forward and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back. "Be safe okay?" I said. She nodded and gave me a peace sign and left. I smiled as I waved good-bye.  
  
As Sakura's been gone Shinji's been leaving messages on the phone everyday. It's gets annoying hearing him saying that he needs to meet her somewhere. But I'd like to go meet him as Sakura and bring him to a dark aisle and beat him up. Oh that would be just heaven wouldn't it? But I can't I don't need any problems right now. Sakura told me that she would be coming back with Tomoyo a week late. She's enjoying here stay at London and said that she might be able to buy me something. I can't wait till I see her. Weeks will pass soon enough...  
  
At night I couldn't help but not be able to sleep. It's hard for some reason. I got out of my bed and went to my kitchen and drank some water. I chocked since I drank too fast. I placed the cup on the table. "Hey-Hey-Hoo!!" Some little blurry golden thing popped in front of me. I rubbed my eyes. "Kero?" I said. He smiled. I looked at him. "What do you want?" I said. "Food?" He shook his head. "I came to stay here till Sakura comes!" He said happily. "You're sure in a mood... And why are you here at this time at night?" I asked. He shrugged. "Just did! I'll be in her room! Night!" He said and went to her room. "Hey!" I said but he closed the door. "Eriol must have kicked him out or something..." I said and headed for bed.   
  
By morning I was cooking food for this beast. "Why do you eat when you don't need too?" I said. He shrugged. "For the humor." He said and continued to eat. "Man, no wonder Sakura doesn't want to live alone! You make good food!" Kero said continuing to eat at least 4 to 5 plates. I sighed and finally ate. The phone rang as Kero played with my X-box.   
  
"Li speaking..." I said. It was Tomoyo.   
  
"Hey Syaoran! Sakura's having a great time!!! And guess who we met!?" She said hardly screaming.   
  
"Um... Who?" I said as I placed the phone in a far distance.   
  
"The hottest guy model in Japan!!!" She said. I raised an eyebrow.   
  
"And that would be...?" I asked. I heard Tomoyo sigh.   
  
"Of course Rei Michiwa!! He's sexy and hot!" She said with a giggle. "But no worries I love Eriol more. He's the sexiest man I've ever seen! HOHOHHOHOHO!" She said. I a dropped popped out of my head.   
  
"Niiiccceee..." I said. "So... is that the only reason you called...?"  
  
"Course not!! He asked Sakura to work with him once we get back to Japan with him!! Sakura the model! HOHOHOHO!!" She said.   
  
"A model?" I smiled. "Sounds great. Do you think Eriol and I could see her model?" I asked.  
  
"Yep! I got us tickets already!! And they're letting me do some of the clothes!! They think I make great clothes!" Tomoyo paused for a second.  
  
"Tomoyo are you still there?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah... Well... Rei asked Sakura out on a date... Great... huh?" She said in a sad tone. I bet she could feel something was going to happen.  
  
"I guess... So why the sad tone?" I asked.  
  
"Rei already has a girlfriend. But that was only a rumor. I have no idea if it's true..." I nodded.  
  
"I see..."  
  
"We'll be back by two days from now! We're coming earlier! Gatta go. Bye." She said.  
  
"Bye." I said as I hung up.  
  
Kero screamed as he got shot. "MAN!!! I LOST!!! GRRR!!!" He said as he restarted the mission. I looked at him and went to my room. There I saw the little bear she gave me before I left her. It was a cute little bear. Yes, it was. I grabbed it from my self. Before it was a self that had pictures of me and Sakura. But then I placed pictures of me and Eri. But the bear stayed there where I left it. I held the bear with my hands. "Sakura..." I said. I placed it on the desk near me and lay on my bed. I've been thinking too much about Sakura lately. I can't help it. It's so annoying. Why do I keep thinking about her? I turned and fell fast asleep.  
  
Today's the day Sakura and Tomoyo return. I waited with Eriol, Kero, Sakura's family and Tomoyo's mom at the airport. When we saw them everyone ran to them except me. I walked to them slowly. Everyone gave each other hugs and kisses to the two girls. Finally when they were talking to Tomoyo Sakura and I were left. Sakura walked to me and gave me a hug. I hugged her back as if she was leaving me again. She pulled me to the window where the airplanes were she looked so happy. It was the happiest smile I've ever seen since and it wasn't fake. No, it wasn't fake...  
  
"Syaoran... you know Rei asked me out..." She said happily.  
  
"Um... that's great. You guys sound like a great couple. I would say look but I have no idea who he is." I said. Sakura giggled.  
  
"Rei's nice. He's not like **_Shinji_**. He's not going to hurt me..." She said with some blush on her cheeks.  
  
"Yeah... not physically... I hope." I said quiet enough for her not to hear.   
  
"Hey! You know what!! Let's go flying! It's been a while since I went flying..." She said. I raised my eyebrow.  
  
"But you just left the airplane..." I said.  
  
"No! With my fly card... I miss just feeling the breeze... Wanna come with me? I can't ask Rei... You know." She said.  
  
"Um... okay." I said.   
  
At night Sakura and I went out in the air. It was really beautiful. I held tight on Sakura. "I miss this so much..." Sakura said. I nodded. Sakura's cell phone rang. "Hello?" She said. "Tomoyo! Oh hey..." Sakura listened on the phone. "Eh? Why? But he might not come..." She said. She paused. "Him?" She turned to me then turned back. "I'll ask... Hey Syaoran wanna got shopping with me and Tomoyo?" I shook my head quickly. I knew that if I came hell was going to follow me once I'd enter the mall with these two. Sakura sighed. "He said no..." She said sadly trying to make me feel bad. "Yeah I know... We'll ask him... Fine... I'm flying right now... Yeah okay bye." She said and hung up. "Sorry..." I said. She shook her head. "It's okay. We got someone else to come." She said. "Who?" I asked. "Rei."   
  
For the past 2 weeks Rei was the only thing that Sakura would talk about. It was Rei this, Rei that. It was driving me **_CRAZY_**! And I'm serious. But I'm happy at the same time. I can finally see that Sakura's truly happy again. She's been smiling non-stop! Sometimes I could hear her singing in the shower. Even her dates are going great. She told me once that he brought her to the most romantic restaurant she's ever been in. Tomoyo sometimes like to follow her on the dates. But she always gets away before she could get caught by Sakura or Rei. I'm quite happy myself. Everything's going great except my love life. But usually girls come to me. None of them interest me... Hmm... But I'll find someone soon. I'm sure of it...  
  
"Syaoran!!" Sakura yelled from the bathroom as she knocked on the door. "I NEED T-TO GO!!! **_BADLY_**!!!  
  
"HOLD ON!" I said. But Sakura had accidentally opened the door seeing me completely naked.  
  
Both of us were red as a beat.   
  
"Ehehehee..." She said not moving. I stared at her not even daring to say anything. "S-Sorry?" She said.  
  
I snapped to reality and grabbed a towel covering my bottom. Sakura then shut the door.   
  
"SORRY!" She said from the outside.  
  
"I-It's okay..." I said.   
  
I quickly changed and thought how that was unexpected. "How humiliating..." I said still quite red. I bet Sakura felt humiliated too though... I guess. But she wasn't the one naked though. I'm more humiliated then! I got out of the shower as Sakura quickly ran in doing her business. I sighed and dried my hair with my towel and saw Kero in the living room playing with my X-box again. "What are you doing here now?!" I said. He grinned. "Sakura let me visit her! I'll be leaving by tomorrow for Tomoyo's house!" He said. I winced and got a glass of water. He could be such a free loaner ever since he got released from the book. He doesn't have to eat and yet he eats. He could make or get his own home and yet he lives in our homes! Sakura came out of the bathroom looking happy. "Whew..." She said and saw me. "Eh... Sorry..." She said scratching her head. "It's okay... Really." I said. I sat down on the couch as Sakura grabbed two plates of cake in the refrigerator.  
  
"Here ya go!" She said handing a cake to me and Kero.  
  
"Thanks!" Kero said eating his food monstrously.  
  
"Eh... Thanks but no thanks." I said.  
  
"Why? It tastes good." She said.  
  
"YEAH!!!! WHHOO CAKE!" Kero said getting hyper. "MORE, MORE, MORE!" Sakura and I sweatdropped.   
  
"Are you sure Syaoran?" She asked. I nodded. "Well get some if you like I'll save some for you before he eats them all." She said giving Kero the cake.   
  
"CAKE!!! YUMM!! BRAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING!!!" He said.  
  
"I'll get some later..." I said as I watched him eat the piece of cake in less than 3 bites.   
  
Sakura sat down the other couch and ate her cake as I watch Kero beat my high scores. Eventually we all started to play. Kero had beaten us all on the games. But revenge came greatly once I played again. "AW MAN!!!" Kero said as he lost again. "Heh, now that's skills." I said with a smirk. "WELL HOW BOUT A REAL FIGHT BRAT?!" He said turning to his real form. "H-HEY!!!" I said as I noticed. "KERO!" Sakura yelled. "STOP THAT!" Kero turned back. "Aw Sakura!!" He said. "That's not very nice. Just because you're the visitor it doesn't mean you could be trashing about!" Sakura said. "Come on... Let's got to bed now." She said calming down. "Okay..." Kero said following her but made a face before he completely left to her room.  
  
I didn't feel like going to bed yet so I just went out of the building doing something that I rarely do which was smoking or doing something so unhealthy. I just needed to smoke. It's been a while since I last smoked. I quietly opened the package and got my lighter. I slowly inhaled it and blew it out making some O's _(A/n: I think that's possible... I remember my uncle making some one time...). _The door suddenly opened. It was Sakura.   
  
"Sakura?" I said about to drop the cigarette.  
  
"You smoke?" She asked. I shook my head.  
  
"Not really. This has been only the second time. And I only do it when I really need it." I said.   
  
"Oh... Just don't do it too much okay?" She said. I nodded. _(A/n: Yes, please don't smoke you guys… Try to stay healthy. )_  
  
"How come you're here and still awake?" I asked.   
  
She shrugged. "Dunno. Went to check on you. But you weren't there. So went out for some fresh air..." She said.  
  
"Do you do that often?" I asked. She nodded. "That's not safe... If you want fresh air go open you're window or wake me up..." I said. She nodded.  
  
"You know Syaoran... Everytime I've with Rei I _feel_ like the happiest girl." She said. There she was starting about conversation with the name Rei.  
  
I smiled. "I'm glad. Coz' whenever you're sad you're friends and family are sad too." I said patting her head. Sakura smiled.  
  
"But--" My wristwatch beeped. "Eh?" She said.  
  
"It's really late. Time for bed Sakura. And remember about what I told you." I said as we went back to the apartment.  
  
"Okay _big brother_." She said hugging me. "I'm so happy I got _two _brothers and my parents watching over me..." She then let go and went to her room. "I'm glad too..." I said as I shut the door and left for my own room. I'm _so_ glad.

**_A/n: _**_Hey readers!! I hoped you enjoyed the first chapter of my new fic!!! Please don't forget to R/R. I'll be writing again at the next chapter!! Bye!!_


	2. Chapter 2

**_Summary:_** _Sakura and Syaoran do get together but they end up breaking up. Sakura tries hard to find a better man but every time she gets too close she ends up getting hurt. (This fic will mostly be Syaoran's Point of view.) _

**_"She'll be loved by me"_**

I woke up and stretched as I turned off my alarm. I got out of bed and got our breakfast ready. But I've almost forgotten my guest. "FOOD!? IS THAT FOOD?!" He said. "Could you like get away... You could make me mess up..." He said. "Mmmm! OKAY! ANYTHING FOR FOOD" He said getting the table ready. Although he maybe quite a nuisance he could be helpful. I finished making pancakes and placed them on our plates. "SAKURA!!" I yelled. "Breakfast is ready!" Sakura came out of her door. "Morning..." She said yawning. "Sakura!! These pancakes are great!" Kero said. "Oh wow! Pancakes! I haven't had those for a while." Sakura said taking a seat. She got the strawberry syrup and took a bite off her plate. "Yum..." She said. "These are great..." She said with a yawn. I smiled. "Maybe you shouldn't go out that much in the middle of the night." I said. She shook her head. "It's okay. I'm old enough... It's nice to have you as my brother but I could totally watch over myself." She said. I gave a half smile. "If you say so..." I said as I ate my breakfast.   
  
As we all finished breakfast we dropped off Kero to Tomoyo's house but just to see Tomoyo mostly. When Tomoyo spotted Sakura she quickly brought her to her closet and gave her some clothes for Sakura to try for the modeling. I had almost forgotten about that. Everything goes by so quickly that you never notice that things changed. Sakura had first tried a feathery dress. And when I said feathery I meant really feathery. It was all pink feathers. But the shoes only had one feather on each side and she had to wear a strange feathery hair band. "It looks kinda... weird." I said. Tomoyo nodded. "Yeah... I think I'm starting to lose it..." Tomoyo said sadly. "Don't worry Tomoyo... There's still more." Sakura said putting on a smile. Tomoyo then smiled too. The other clothes Sakura wore did turn out to be better. It ended up being a bad start but a great ending. Tomoyo was happy that she wasn't losing her touch on making clothes. She even made one for Sakura just to wear on a very, very special situation. But it ended up being on a box. Tomoyo told her not to even try to make a peep in it unless she was finally going to use it on her very, very special situation.   
  
When we left the house Sakura and I thought about going to get some lunch out. When got there we took a table near the door ordered some food. It was really great. It had been a while since us two had fast food or something unhealthy to eat. We've always been trying to eat healthy but a healthy body sometimes needs some treats after all the hard work on staying fit. After we finished our cheeseburgers we thought of ordering some milkshakes or something. Sakura ended up ordering for a strawberry milkshake as I ordered a chocolate milkshake. When I've gotten our milkshakes I carefully tried to make sure not a single thing dropped. But just then when I almost reached the table someone comes in scream.  
  
"WAHHH!!! WATCH OUT!!!" She yelled as he was getting closer toward me. I sweatdropped and didn't move. The girl looked like it was her first day on learning how to roller blade. And I bet that she accidentally went down hill and came here now screaming at me to get out and yet I don't move. The girl had short black hair and looked like she was some sorta tomboy. "Syaoran?" Sakura said not hearing or noticing the girl coming toward me. Just when Sakura was about to stand up the girl collapsed on me causing me to drop our milkshakes and making one land on my head. The girl was now on my back making us look like we were forming a cross. Sakura noticed the chocolate milkshake spilled on my nose and wiped it off. "Mmmm... Chocolate." She said with a giggle. I carefully got out off the girl and stood up wiping some of the chocolate on me. "Hey are you okay?" I asked. She looked like she was still dizzy from the wild ride. I bent down and look at her. She blinked a couple of times and sighed. "Eh?" She said. I looked at her with a little daze. I couldn't help but give her a dazed look.   
  
She stood up and licked her lips. I then too stood up. "Yummy! Strawberry!!" She said. A worker came in the picture looking quite angry. "You not know ob dee sign ont me door? Sign say no ish bladerolling, boarding dee skate, ank scukering." He said pointing at the sigh. "Eh... Sorry... Mr. ... Mr. Tomo?" She said. "Take dee bladerollerin shoes ank buy a food. You better no try dee bladerolling aken. I hub dee ears of an elephant ank eyes like a moose. I hub dee strength ob a dog! HAHAHA!" He said. All three of us sweatdropped. "Um okay..." She said as she took off her skates and put on her shoes. "Oh!" She said as she noticed me. "Eh... It seems like I bumped into you..." She said as she noticed that I still had some chocolate on me. "Well I'll be glad to pay for those shakes... I have plenty of money..." She said. "W-well... eh...ahem... S-sureee...." I said feeling all weird. I could see that Sakura was smirking. "Okay then. One strawberry..." She came close to him and grabbed a sample off his face. "And one chocolate!" She said. As she ordered it with her own milkshake. She then carefully brought the milkshake to us and took hers ready to leave.  
  
"Hey don't you want to join us?" Sakura asked. She smiled.  
  
"Sure!" She said taking the seat between me and Sakura. "Sorry about bumping into you."   
  
I shook my head. "It's o-okay... Y-yoou...look-ed like you-you were o-outa con-troll..." I said. I coughed.  
  
"Um... Okay." Oh I felt so weird. It was like the feeling I had when I would be near Sakura before.  
  
"My name's Sakura and he's Syaoran but he'd prefer to be called Li. What's yours?" Sakura asked.  
  
"Shinell. But call me Shiny or Nell. Everyone calls me one of those." She said slurping on her vanilla milkshake.  
  
"Cool! I have a new friend." Sakura said smiling. Shinell smile just like Sakura.  
  
"Me too. Hey!! I have two new friends now!! You're my friend too right Li?" She asked.  
  
"Uh... eh... I... Ahem... Y-Yeshhh??" I said. She and Sakura looked and me strangely. But then Sakura laughed.  
  
"What's so funny?" I asked talking normal. Sakura shook her head. "I'll tell you when we get home." She said. Shinell smirked.  
  
"Wow! You two are a couple? I had a feeling you guys were... You look so cute together too." She said. Just then everything became quiet. Shinell looked in confusion. "Did I say something wrong?" She asked.   
  
"Well we're not together..." Sakura said. "Well not anymore." She said.  
  
"Yeah... Plus she has a new boyfriend." I said.   
  
"Oh... Sorry." She said and stood up.  
  
"Hey! Where're you going?" Sakura said standing up herself.  
  
"Have to go somewhere really important... Well see you guys around town." She said.  
  
"Hey could I get your number though?" Sakura asked. Shinell took out a pen and a napkin and wrote her whole name with her number and address and waved good-bye.  
  
Soon on both of us soon left after we finished out shakes. "She's nice huh?" Sakura said as we walked out. "Well yeah... Seemed like some sorta tomboy though..." I said. "I think she's cute." I looked at her weirdly. "I'm not a lesbian... I have a _boyfriend_... Gosh..." Sakura said. "What?? I didn't say anything..." I said glumly. "But I knew you were thinking about that though." She said. "Great now you're a mind reader." I said. "What am I thinking about now?" I said. Sakura smile. "Hmm... You're thinking about Shinell... And you want to ask her out! Well here's her number!" She said handing me the napkin. "HEY!" I said blushing a bit. Sakura stopped. "W-what?" I asked. "It's been a while since you blushed like that. I don't even think you blushed like that when Eri came by when you were together..." Sakura said. I raised an eyebrow. "So...?" I said. "Nothing..." She said and continued to walk. Sakura got a head of me by a few feet. Was she mad at me? Should I bother to go near her? Something felt wrong. But I just can't put my finger on it. Sakura's phone started to ring then she answered. "Hello?" She said and paused. "WHAT?! I don't have the... Oh gosh!! Okay... I'll ask him though... Hehe. Yeah if he does I will... Okay then... Bye." Sakura said. "Who was it?" I asked. "Tomoyo she said to come over at this photo shot like five blocks away from here. You wanna come? Eriol's going to be lonely... Well not really. There'll be lots of girls. And plus you need to get yourself a new girlfriend." Sakura said. "Um okay..." I said. "Great!! All the girls there are models and I bet they'll fall for you quickly. You are a great looker." She said. "Naw I think I'll wear this..." I said putting on my fake glasses. I would always wear it whenever I would be around a lot of girls. Sakura shook her head. "Fine it's your choice."  
  
When we reached there I went with Eriol as we watched the girls take pictures in the latest clothes. Most of the clothes were made by Tomoyo and they were all great. But then there was this model that kept making me think for some reason. She looked really, really familiar. Maybe she was one of the girls my mom introduced to me when I broke up with Eri or Sakura. But it couldn't be... Then I realized it was Shinell. Shinell was looking like a real girl not like some tomboy. She looked like those normal models. She looked so different. When they were done taking all the shots I caught up to her. "Hey!" I said. Shinell looked at me in confusion. "Do I know you?" She asked. "Yeah it's me Syaoran Li from the restaurant." I said. She gave a surprised and nervous smile. "Ehehehee... Hey." She said. "What's wrong??" I asked. "How come you're here?" She asked. "Sakura's a model... And plus the designer of the clothes is another friend of mine." I said. "Oh... Well... bet you thought that a girl dressed up like a guy could turn out like a model." She said. I smiled. "How come you're wearing those glasses?" She asked. "Well sometimes I just prefer to not be noticed. Plus I had a lot of girls chasing me a lot before... So I got this as my other look." I said. For some reason she started to grabbed my glasses off me. "W-what is y-you doing?" I asked. "You looked better without glasses..." She said as she took them completely off.   
  
All the models turned to me and Shinell. "_Whoo_!! Shin has such a cute boyfriend!" On of the models said. "Oh damn Nell!! You're so lucky to get a hottie like him!!" Another one said. I could feel my facing burning up but Shinell just stared at her friends as if she had no clue of what they were just saying to her. I turned to my group of my friends and I could just see her, I could see Sakura smiling. Does she think I'm actually going to be with her? Ugh... I'm pissed off and I fucking have no fucking idea why! So I marched outside and slammed it hard. All the people behind me were quiet once I left. Then I saw Shinell coming out. Of all the people coming out she came out. I wish someone came out... like Sakura. I sat down on the bench where she sat down next to me. We didn't say anything for a minutes but I cut off the silence.  
  
"Why are you following me?" I said in an almost angry tone. She didn't look at me.  
  
"Well... I just had to, you know. That was mean of them. But they don't know anything... It's okay." She said.  
  
I didn't want to reply. Why would I reply and if I did what would I say? She sighed and stood up in front of me.  
  
"I gatta go... I still have to change from this outfit." She said. I looked at her as she smiled. At that moment we just looked at each other. I looked at her calming blue eyes. It looked like water just water I could swim in and fall in... Once I blinked she came down on me hard. I looked at her and placed her on the bench. "Hey... Shinell? Shinell???" I checked her pulse. "HUH?! THERE'S NO PULSE!!" I said.   
  
I didn't know just what to do. Just when I was going to get help she stood up like she came back from the dead. She rubbed her head. "Huh? Did I do it again?" She said. I looked at her in total surprise. "Did you just rise from the dead coz' you didn't have a pulse earlier!!" I said. "Oh... Well... I seem to daze or faint like that... I've always been like that... Hehe. And that's also the reason why I made you lose those two shakes." She said. "You mean you were skating and you fainted or something?!" I said. She nodded as if it was nothing. "You should get medicine or something!!" I said. "It's okay. I'm just really fragile. Sometimes I over do what I'm doing and just faint. I get tired easily. "She said."Come on I'll walk you home okay...?" I said. "Um... Okay." She said.  
  
While Shinell got her stuff packed in Sakura planned leave with Tomoyo and Eriol. There at Tomoyo's house I will pick her up. I think I even saw Sakura and Rei kissing at a corner where hardly anyone, except me, saw them. I was full of disgust. How rude can they get? Kissing... Just here where there is a possibility of everyone spotting them. I spotted them why didn't anyone else notice? Will Sakura turn out bad if she continues to date Rei? I over heard one of the models saying that Sakura and Rei were spotting at a club. And who knows what he could have done to her! They could have done it or something... Shinell jumped in front of me.  
  
"Hey!" She said. I smiled. "You smile a lot for a guy." She said as we walked out. "There's nothing bad about smiling." I said. "Yeah..." She said. "So Sakura and you aren't together?" She asked. I shook my head. "You know Rei right?" I asked. She nodded. "They're together?" She said. "Yes." I said. She remained quiet. "I see." She said. "Is this it?" I asked. She nodded as I stared at the mansion. It was almost as big as mine. "Nice mansion." I said. She smiled. "It was hard to get it but here it is all mine. Want to come in? It gets really lonely. I always thought of getting some butler or maid as a company but who knows it could be some killer." She said. "Well sure." I said as I went through her gate.   
  
When I entered the house I took off my shoes as she did. I gazed in the huge mansion with all these fancy designs. "Wow... fancy..." I said. She looked in gaze in her own mansion. "I know... this is like the 5th time I've actually been in here..." She said. "Really?" I said. She nodded. "I didn't come in living her till all the decorating was done and it still amazes me." She giggled. "Well if you get lost don't ask me for directions. I'm still exploring this place. All I know is the back yard, front yard, my bedroom, kitchen, and living room." She said. "Well... that's okay." I said. "Do you want anything to drink or something before you leave?" She asked. I shook my head. "Are you sure?" She asked. "No thank you please." I said. "I'll bring an extra cup just in case." She said. I sat down on her living room couch.  
  
Shinell came back with a pot of tea and two cups. She placed the tea on the table and a tea cup in from of both of us. "So..." I said not knowing what to say. "Do you usually just dress up like a tomboy?" I hit myself once I said that knowing that was wrong. "Um... It's okay you don't have to hit yourself..." She said. "Well I just usually dress like this... Well I've always dressed like this. I can't help it I was raised in a family full of boys. My mom died when she tried to give birth to me and I got stuck with my dad and my 5 brothers." She said. "Oh... I'm sorry about that." I said. "It's okay." She said as she poured some tea on my cup and hers. "Um... Thank you..." I said as I took a sip. "Wow great tea..." I said. She nodded. "Thanks." After a few hours I left for home. It was about 10pm when I got there. Sakura fell asleep on the couch while the TV was on.  
  
I shook her softly. "Hey sleepy head..." I said as I noticed she opened her eyes. "Touya?" She said. I smiled. "Not really..." I said. "Come on I'll carry you to bed." Sakura got on my arms like she was some overgrown baby. I slowly placed her under her bed sheets and took a chair to just look at her. "Hey Sakura..." I whispered. "I sorry I came home so late. But I had such a great time with Shinell." I said. She put on a sleepy smile but kept her eyes closed. "I was thinking about what you said..." I said. "But I don't think I could do it... Do you think something's holding me back?" I sighed. This was hopeless talking to a sleeping person. "I think you should ask her on a date..." She said gazing at me with her sleepy eyes. I smiled at her as she gave me advice. "I think you should go ask her on a date... Or maybe you're just not ready to go on another relationship. I felt like that before... Everytime something happened with my relationship... I felt like there was no use trying to find another one... Until... Until I found Rei... Someday I'm going to be his wife..." She said and fell asleep. I tucked her in the bed and kissed her forehead like a father would do to his own child. "Good-night." I said as I shut her door.   
  
I lay on my bed just thinking again. I tossed and turned on my bed trying to just get some Z's. I got out of my bed in defeat. I just couldn't stop thinking. My head felt like it was going to explode. I sighed and thought of getting an old friend of mine when I was down and needed someone to talk to. I pulled out my drawer and opened my journal. It had been a few years since I opened it. I searched for a pen and soon I started to write on the book again just like before...  
  
_Dear Journal,  
  
Yes, I know it had been quite a while since I wrote on you. I think the last time I did was when Sakura and I broke up. Well I got another girlfriend after Sakura. Her name was Eri. And you know what? I broke up with her coz' she was using me. But that's okay. It's been like I think a year since Eri and I broke up. And Sakura's now a model and finally has a boyfriend. She isn't having trouble with boys anymore. I guess I could trust that Rei. But he will get a serious beating if we find out he hurts Sakura. Touya and I might even double team him. Well enough about Sakura... I met this girl today named Shinell Niagara. She's also a model. Wow I think I'm starting to go for those famous people or something!_  
  
I stared at the last sentence I shook my head. Why would I say something like that? I want to know her... I don't need to know her. I like her... But she's nothing to me. I wanna see her... I don't wanna talk to her. What the hell am I saying? I want to know her. I want to like her. I want to see her... I need to talk to her. I placed the book away and got the napkin she gave Sakura. "Shinell..." I said. I got my cell phone and dialed the number. I waited for an answer. What was I doing? She wouldn't be awake. It's almost 12am! I must be going crazy or something. What the hell? I should stop. But why doesn't my hand hang up or something?  
  
"Hello?" It was Shinell. I gulped and shook my head. When I was about to speak she said something. "Please leave a message! Don't forget your to also leave your name, phone number, and if you want your address after the beep! Bye." She said. The sound of a beep came on the phone. I hesitated and hung up. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with me? I took a deep breath and redialed. "Hello?" I said after the beep. "Hey Shinell... It's me Syaoran Li. It's really late to call you but I was wondering... You want to go out with me or something?" I paused. Who was I kidding? Why would she want to go out in a date with me? I sighed. "Um... you know what... err... never mind. I'm saying crazy stuff right now... Sorry for wasting your time... Bye." I said and hung up. I went to bed and shut my eyes. I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted sleep... and to forget everything around me.... _Everything..._

**_A/n:_** _Sooo...? How was it you guys?? Was it a good chapter?? Please, please continue to review and I'll update A.S.A.P. Well I gatta go!! R/R!! Oh and do any of you have any suggestions on a better title??_


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: Sakura and Syaoran do get together but they end up breaking up. Sakura tries hard to find a better man but every time she gets too close she ends up getting hurt. (This fic will mostly be Syaoran's Point of view.)

**_"Love can be so close to pain"_**

"Love can be so close to pain" I woke up and stretched as I turned off my alarm. I got out of bed and got our breakfast ready. But I've almost forgotten my guest. "FOOD!? IS THAT FOOD?!" He said. "Could you like get away... You could make me mess up..." He said. "Mmmm! OKAY! ANYTHING FOR FOOD" He said getting the table ready. Although he maybe quite a nuisance he could be helpful. I finished making pancakes and placed them on our plates. "SAKURA!!" I yelled. "Breakfast is ready!" Sakura came out of her door. "Morning..." She said yawning. "Sakura!! These pancakes are great!" Kero said. "Oh wow! Pancakes! I haven't had those for a while." Sakura said taking a seat. She got the strawberry syrup and took a bite off her plate. "Yum..." She said. "These are great..." She said with a yawn. I smiled. "Maybe you shouldn't go out that much in the middle of the night." I said. She shook her head. "It's okay. I'm old enough... It's nice to have you as my brother but I could totally watch over myself." She said. I gave a half smile. "If you say so..." I said as I ate my breakfast.  
  
As we all finished breakfast we dropped off Kero to Tomoyo's house but just to see Tomoyo mostly. When Tomoyo spotted Sakura she quickly brought her to her closet and gave her some clothes for Sakura to try for the modeling. I had almost forgotten about that. Everything goes by so quickly that you never notice that things changed. Sakura had first tried a feathery dress. And when I said feathery I meant really feathery. It was all pink feathers. But the shoes only had one feather on each side and she had to wear a strange feathery hair band. "It looks kinda... weird." I said. Tomoyo nodded. "Yeah... I think I'm starting to lose it..." Tomoyo said sadly. "Don't worry Tomoyo... There's still more." Sakura said putting on a smile. Tomoyo then smiled too. The other clothes Sakura wore did turn out to be better. It ended up being a bad start but a great ending. Tomoyo was happy that she wasn't losing her touch on making clothes. She even made one for Sakura just to wear on a very, very special situation. But it ended up being on a box. Tomoyo told her not to even try to make a peep in it unless she was finally going to use it on her very, very special situation.  
  
When we left the house Sakura and I thought about going to get some lunch out. When got there we took a table near the door ordered some food. It was really great. It had been a while since us two had fast food or something unhealthy to eat. We've always been trying to eat healthy but a healthy body sometimes needs some treats after all the hard work on staying fit. After we finished our cheeseburgers we thought of ordering some milkshakes or something. Sakura ended up ordering for a strawberry milkshake as I ordered a chocolate milkshake. When I've gotten our milkshakes I carefully tried to make sure not a single thing dropped. But just then when I almost reached the table someone comes in scream.  
  
"WAHHH!!! WATCH OUT!!!" She yelled as he was getting closer toward me. I sweatdropped and didn't move. The girl looked like it was her first day on learning how to roller blade. And I bet that she accidentally went down hill and came here now screaming at me to get out and yet I don't move. The girl had short black hair and looked like she was some sorta tomboy. "Syaoran?" Sakura said not hearing or noticing the girl coming toward me. Just when Sakura was about to stand up the girl collapsed on me causing me to drop our milkshakes and making one land on my head. The girl was now on my back making us look like we were forming a cross. Sakura noticed the chocolate milkshake spilled on my nose and wiped it off. "Mmmm... Chocolate." She said with a giggle. I carefully got out off the girl and stood up wiping some of the chocolate on me. "Hey are you okay?" I asked. She looked like she was still dizzy from the wild ride. I bent down and look at her. She blinked a couple of times and sighed. "Eh?" She said. I looked at her with a little daze. I couldn't help but give her a dazed look.  
  
She stood up and licked her lips. I then too stood up. "Yummy! Strawberry!!" She said. A worker came in the picture looking quite angry. "You not know ob dee sign ont me door? Sign say no ish bladerolling, boarding dee skate, ank scukering." He said pointing at the sigh. "Eh... Sorry... Mr. ... Mr. Tomo?" She said. "Take dee bladerollerin shoes ank buy a food. You better no try dee bladerolling aken. I hub dee ears of an elephant ank eyes like a moose. I hub dee strength ob a dog! HAHAHA!" He said. All three of us sweatdropped. "Um okay..." She said as she took off her skates and put on her shoes. "Oh!" She said as she noticed me. "Eh... It seems like I bumped into you..." She said as she noticed that I still had some chocolate on me. "Well I'll be glad to pay for those shakes... I have plenty of money..." She said. "W-well... eh...ahem... S-sureee...." I said feeling all weird. I could see that Sakura was smirking. "Okay then. One strawberry..." She came close to him and grabbed a sample off his face. "And one chocolate!" She said. As she ordered it with her own milkshake. She then carefully brought the milkshake to us and took hers ready to leave.  
  
"Hey don't you want to join us?" Sakura asked. She smiled.  
  
"Sure!" She said taking the seat between me and Sakura. "Sorry about bumping into you."  
  
I shook my head. "It's o-okay... Y-yoou...look-ed like you-you were o-outa con-troll..." I said. I coughed.  
  
"Um... Okay." Oh I felt so weird. It was like the feeling I had when I would be near Sakura before.  
  
"My name's Sakura and he's Syaoran but he'd prefer to be called Li. What's yours?" Sakura asked.  
  
"Shinell. But call me Shiny or Nell. Everyone calls me one of those." She said slurping on her vanilla milkshake.  
  
"Cool! I have a new friend." Sakura said smiling. Shinell smile just like Sakura.  
  
"Me too. Hey!! I have two new friends now!! You're my friend too right Li?" She asked.  
  
"Uh... eh... I... Ahem... Y-Yeshhh??" I said. She and Sakura looked and me strangely. But then Sakura laughed.  
  
"What's so funny?" I asked talking normal. Sakura shook her head. "I'll tell you when we get home." She said. Shinell smirked.  
  
"Wow! You two are a couple? I had a feeling you guys were... You look so cute together too." She said. Just then everything became quiet. Shinell looked in confusion. "Did I say something wrong?" She asked.  
  
"Well we're not together..." Sakura said. "Well not anymore." She said.  
  
"Yeah... Plus she has a new boyfriend." I said.  
  
"Oh... Sorry." She said and stood up.  
  
"Hey! Where're you going?" Sakura said standing up herself.  
  
"Have to go somewhere really important... Well see you guys around town." She said.  
  
"Hey could I get your number though?" Sakura asked. Shinell took out a pen and a napkin and wrote her whole name with her number and address and waved good-bye.  
  
Soon on both of us soon left after we finished out shakes. "She's nice huh?" Sakura said as we walked out. "Well yeah... Seemed like some sorta tomboy though..." I said. "I think she's cute." I looked at her weirdly. "I'm not a lesbian... I have a boyfriend... Gosh..." Sakura said. "What?? I didn't say anything..." I said glumly. "But I knew you were thinking about that though." She said. "Great now you're a mind reader." I said. "What am I thinking about now?" I said. Sakura smile. "Hmm... You're thinking about Shinell... And you want to ask her out! Well here's her number!" She said handing me the napkin. "HEY!" I said blushing a bit. Sakura stopped. "W- what?" I asked. "It's been a while since you blushed like that. I don't even think you blushed like that when Eri came by when you were together..." Sakura said. I raised an eyebrow. "So...?" I said. "Nothing..." She said and continued to walk. Sakura got a head of me by a few feet. Was she mad at me? Should I bother to go near her? Something felt wrong. But I just can't put my finger on it. Sakura's phone started to ring then she answered. "Hello?" She said and paused. "WHAT?! I don't have the... Oh gosh!! Okay... I'll ask him though... Hehe. Yeah if he does I will... Okay then... Bye." Sakura said. "Who was it?" I asked. "Tomoyo she said to come over at this photo shot like five blocks away from here. You wanna come? Eriol's going to be lonely... Well not really. There'll be lots of girls. And plus you need to get yourself a new girlfriend." Sakura said. "Um okay..." I said. "Great!! All the girls there are models and I bet they'll fall for you quickly. You are a great looker." She said. "Naw I think I'll wear this..." I said putting on my fake glasses. I would always wear it whenever I would be around a lot of girls. Sakura shook her head. "Fine it's your choice."  
  
When we reached there I went with Eriol as we watched the girls take pictures in the latest clothes. Most of the clothes were made by Tomoyo and they were all great. But then there was this model that kept making me think for some reason. She looked really, really familiar. Maybe she was one of the girls my mom introduced to me when I broke up with Eri or Sakura. But it couldn't be... Then I realized it was Shinell. Shinell was looking like a real girl not like some tomboy. She looked like those normal models. She looked so different. When they were done taking all the shots I caught up to her. "Hey!" I said. Shinell looked at me in confusion. "Do I know you?" She asked. "Yeah it's me Syaoran Li from the restaurant." I said. She gave a surprised and nervous smile. "Ehehehee... Hey." She said. "What's wrong??" I asked. "How come you're here?" She asked. "Sakura's a model... And plus the designer of the clothes is another friend of mine." I said. "Oh... Well... bet you thought that a girl dressed up like a guy could turn out like a model." She said. I smiled. "How come you're wearing those glasses?" She asked. "Well sometimes I just prefer to not be noticed. Plus I had a lot of girls chasing me a lot before... So I got this as my other look." I said. For some reason she started to grabbed my glasses off me. "W-what is y-you doing?" I asked. "You looked better without glasses..." She said as she took them completely off.  
  
All the models turned to me and Shinell. "Whoo!! Shin has such a cute boyfriend!" On of the models said. "Oh damn Nell!! You're so lucky to get a hottie like him!!" Another one said. I could feel my facing burning up but Shinell just stared at her friends as if she had no clue of what they were just saying to her. I turned to my group of my friends and I could just see her, I could see Sakura smiling. Does she think I'm actually going to be with her? Ugh... I'm pissed off and I fucking have no fucking idea why! So I marched outside and slammed it hard. All the people behind me were quiet once I left. Then I saw Shinell coming out. Of all the people coming out she came out. I wish someone came out... like Sakura. I sat down on the bench where she sat down next to me. We didn't say anything for a minutes but I cut off the silence.  
  
"Why are you following me?" I said in an almost angry tone. She didn't look at me.  
  
"Well... I just had to, you know. That was mean of them. But they don't know anything... It's okay." She said.  
  
I didn't want to reply. Why would I reply and if I did what would I say? She sighed and stood up in front of me.  
  
"I gatta go... I still have to change from this outfit." She said. I looked at her as she smiled. At that moment we just looked at each other. I looked at her calming blue eyes. It looked like water just water I could swim in and fall in... Once I blinked she came down on me hard. I looked at her and placed her on the bench. "Hey... Shinell? Shinell???" I checked her pulse. "HUH?! THERE'S NO PULSE!!" I said.  
  
I didn't know just what to do. Just when I was going to get help she stood up like she came back from the dead. She rubbed her head. "Huh? Did I do it again?" She said. I looked at her in total surprise. "Did you just rise from the dead coz' you didn't have a pulse earlier!!" I said. "Oh... Well... I seem to daze or faint like that... I've always been like that... Hehe. And that's also the reason why I made you lose those two shakes." She said. "You mean you were skating and you fainted or something?!" I said. She nodded as if it was nothing. "You should get medicine or something!!" I said. "It's okay. I'm just really fragile. Sometimes I over do what I'm doing and just faint. I get tired easily. "She said."Come on I'll walk you home okay...?" I said. "Um... Okay." She said.  
  
While Shinell got her stuff packed in Sakura planned leave with Tomoyo and Eriol. There at Tomoyo's house I will pick her up. I think I even saw Sakura and Rei kissing at a corner where hardly anyone, except me, saw them. I was full of disgust. How rude can they get? Kissing... Just here where there is a possibility of everyone spotting them. I spotted them why didn't anyone else notice? Will Sakura turn out bad if she continues to date Rei? I over heard one of the models saying that Sakura and Rei were spotting at a club. And who knows what he could have done to her! They could have done it or something... Shinell jumped in front of me.  
  
"Hey!" She said. I smiled. "You smile a lot for a guy." She said as we walked out. "There's nothing bad about smiling." I said. "Yeah..." She said. "So Sakura and you aren't together?" She asked. I shook my head. "You know Rei right?" I asked. She nodded. "They're together?" She said. "Yes." I said. She remained quiet. "I see." She said. "Is this it?" I asked. She nodded as I stared at the mansion. It was almost as big as mine. "Nice mansion." I said. She smiled. "It was hard to get it but here it is all mine. Want to come in? It gets really lonely. I always thought of getting some butler or maid as a company but who knows it could be some killer." She said. "Well sure." I said as I went through her gate.  
  
When I entered the house I took off my shoes as she did. I gazed in the huge mansion with all these fancy designs. "Wow... fancy..." I said. She looked in gaze in her own mansion. "I know... this is like the 5th time I've actually been in here..." She said. "Really?" I said. She nodded. "I didn't come in living her till all the decorating was done and it still amazes me." She giggled. "Well if you get lost don't ask me for directions. I'm still exploring this place. All I know is the back yard, front yard, my bedroom, kitchen, and living room." She said. "Well... that's okay." I said. "Do you want anything to drink or something before you leave?" She asked. I shook my head. "Are you sure?" She asked. "No thank you please." I said. "I'll bring an extra cup just in case." She said. I sat down on her living room couch.  
  
Shinell came back with a pot of tea and two cups. She placed the tea on the table and a tea cup in from of both of us. "So..." I said not knowing what to say. "Do you usually just dress up like a tomboy?" I hit myself once I said that knowing that was wrong. "Um... It's okay you don't have to hit yourself..." She said. "Well I just usually dress like this... Well I've always dressed like this. I can't help it I was raised in a family full of boys. My mom died when she tried to give birth to me and I got stuck with my dad and my 5 brothers." She said. "Oh... I'm sorry about that." I said. "It's okay." She said as she poured some tea on my cup and hers. "Um... Thank you..." I said as I took a sip. "Wow great tea..." I said. She nodded. "Thanks." After a few hours I left for home. It was about 10pm when I got there. Sakura fell asleep on the couch while the TV was on.  
  
I shook her softly. "Hey sleepy head..." I said as I noticed she opened her eyes. "Touya?" She said. I smiled. "Not really..." I said. "Come on I'll carry you to bed." Sakura got on my arms like she was some overgrown baby. I slowly placed her under her bed sheets and took a chair to just look at her. "Hey Sakura..." I whispered. "I sorry I came home so late. But I had such a great time with Shinell." I said. She put on a sleepy smile but kept her eyes closed. "I was thinking about what you said..." I said. "But I don't think I could do it... Do you think something's holding me back?" I sighed. This was hopeless talking to a sleeping person. "I think you should ask her on a date..." She said gazing at me with her sleepy eyes. I smiled at her as she gave me advice. "I think you should go ask her on a date... Or maybe you're just not ready to go on another relationship. I felt like that before... Everytime something happened with my relationship... I felt like there was no use trying to find another one... Until... Until I found Rei... Someday I'm going to be his wife..." She said and fell asleep. I tucked her in the bed and kissed her forehead like a father would do to his own child. "Good-night." I said as I shut her door.  
  
I lay on my bed just thinking again. I tossed and turned on my bed trying to just get some Z's. I got out of my bed in defeat. I just couldn't stop thinking. My head felt like it was going to explode. I sighed and thought of getting an old friend of mine when I was down and needed someone to talk to. I pulled out my drawer and opened my journal. It had been a few years since I opened it. I searched for a pen and soon I started to write on the book again just like before...  
  
Dear Journal,  
  
Yes, I know it had been quite a while since I wrote on you. I think the last time I did was when Sakura and I broke up. Well I got another girlfriend after Sakura. Her name was Eri. And you know what? I broke up with her coz' she was using me. But that's okay. It's been like I think a year since Eri and I broke up. And Sakura's now a model and finally has a boyfriend. She isn't having trouble with boys anymore. I guess I could trust that Rei. But he will get a serious beating if we find out he hurts Sakura. Touya and I might even double team him. Well enough about Sakura... I met this girl today named Shinell Niagara. She's also a model. Wow I think I'm starting to go for those famous people or something!  
  
I stared at the last sentence I shook my head. Why would I say something like that? I want to know her... I don't need to know her. I like her... But she's nothing to me. I wanna see her... I don't wanna talk to her. What the hell am I saying? I want to know her. I want to like her. I want to see her... I need to talk to her. I placed the book away and got the napkin she gave Sakura. "Shinell..." I said. I got my cell phone and dialed the number. I waited for an answer. What was I doing? She wouldn't be awake. It's almost 12am! I must be going crazy or something. What the hell? I should stop. But why doesn't my hand hang up or something?  
  
"Hello?" It was Shinell. I gulped and shook my head. When I was about to speak she said something. "Please leave a message! Don't forget your to also leave your name, phone number, and if you want your address after the beep! Bye." She said. The sound of a beep came on the phone. I hesitated and hung up. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with me? I took a deep breath and redialed. "Hello?" I said after the beep. "Hey Shinell... It's me Syaoran Li. It's really late to call you but I was wondering... You want to go out with me or something?" I paused. Who was I kidding? Why would she want to go out in a date with me? I sighed. "Um... you know what... err... never mind. I'm saying crazy stuff right now... Sorry for wasting your time... Bye." I said and hung up. I went to bed and shut my eyes. I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted sleep... and to forget everything around me.... Everything... A/n: Thanks for all the reviews. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!!! Please continue to review... You know you wanna review. Well stay tune for the next chapter by me!


	4. Chapter 4

**_Summary:_** _Sakura and Syaoran do get together but they end up breaking up. Sakura tries hard to find a better man but every time she gets too close she ends up getting hurt. (This fic will mostly be Syaoran's Point of view.)_

_**"Love is so close to pain"**_

A loud noise came to my ears. What was waking me up? I opened my eyes and saw nothing and went back to sleep. What was this noise? It was annoying me so much. It sounded something like..."The fire alarm!!!" I quickly jumped out of my bed and went to check if Sakura was okay. Sakura was there sleeping peacefully. I quickly ran to the kitchen to see what was causing the fire. Smoke came from the oven. I quickly pulled out the fire extinguisher and put the flames off. "Chicken?" I said as I looked at it. But who was cooking. Sakura doesn't ever cook. She only does it when I'm sick or something. I looked around and saw a girl sleeping on the couch. Who was this girl and what the hell was she doing here?! I looked at her and shook her softly. "Hello???" I said as I shook her again.

She had long blonde hair with green highlights. She wore three earrings, one of her bottom part of her ear on the left and on the right was the same except there was one of the top part, and she seemed to have braids on each side of her hair. She finally woke up showing me her bright jade green eyes. She smiled at me as she sat down on the couch. "Hiya..." She said sweetly. I gave her a mean looked. "What's wrong?" She asked as she placed her finger on my chest. "Ouu... Muscles?" She said. "Who are you?" I asked as I took her finger off my chest. "Me? Well my name's Kitsume Kadokawa. Nice to meet you Syaoran Li." She said sweetly. "Were you the one who cooked chicken?" I asked. Her eyes opened widely. "My chicken!!" She said running to it. Just when I went to see how she was doing tears looked like they were going to come out.

She crossed her arms as she stood up. "Oh well..." She said. "How did you get in here anyway?" I asked. "Your mother... And they opened up the door for me." She said with a shrug. I sighed. "Sit down and I'll get someone to cook something decent..." I said as I walked to Sakura's door and knocked. "Sakura!! Could you make breakfast today?!" I called out. No one answered. I opened the door and there she was sleeping. I went to her bed and shook her. "Wake up Sakura..." I said while I shook her. "Sakura... Wake up..." Sakura finally opened her eyes. "What is it?" She asked in a sleepy tone. "Get up... You're going to have to make breakfast for three. I have to do my morning jog so cook up something for our visitor." Sakura looked in confusion and went near her door to take a peek. "Who's she?" I asked. "My mother's request... So make some breakfast just for today..." I said. Sakura smiled. "Of course!" She said and started her way outside to cook once I left.

After doing my morning jog with Eriol I went back home hoping everything was doing well. Once I got in I saw Sakura pop at my face. "Hey Syaoran!! Kitsume is so cool! She's a singer and she's pretty rich!!" I looked at her as I noticed that she wouldn't let me in. "Um Sakura... Do you mind...?" I said. Sakura sweatdropped. "What's wrong...?" I asked. She shook her head quickly. "Nothing's wrong Syaoran!! Hm... How bout you go for another jog by yourself?! It's very good to stay healthy!" She said quickly. "Sakura I'm tired let me in..." I said. She shook her said. "Um... Um... What's the password??" She asked. "Please?" I said. "BEEP! You're wrong! Come back later!!" She said as she shut the door and locked it. I reopened the door and went in quickly before Sakura came. I went to wear they were fixing up the place. "SAKURA!!!" I said acting like some father.

Sakura slowly turned to me. "Oh Syaoran you're back..." She said with a little giggle. I looked at her with an angry face. "Kitsume... Could you please get inside Sakura's room while I **YELL** at her?" I said. Kitsume quickly got in as Sakura and I spoke. "Sakura take a seat." I said. "Ehehehee... I bet you're wondering why my cooking was... erm trouble... and why the place is all messy." She said. I smiled. "Yes, I was. Hm... Now I know that you're a good girl and _you_ wouldn't do a thing like this." I said. Sakura smiled. "And I _do _know that you don't do all these bad cooking and making that much of a mess..." I said. Sakura was too good and innocent for this work. "Now... Let me ask you a question Sakura. And I know that you'll be telling me the truth." I said as Sakura nodded. "Who made this mess?" I asked quietly. Sakura looked down. "I-I did..." She said. I shook my head. "Sakura... I know you really want me to have a girlfriend but... you got to understand that I'm not interested in girls like Kitsume..." It was true. I mean this morning I almost had a heart attack and my apartment was almost burned down!

After Kitsume left I spent a day with Shinell while Sakura went somewhere with Rei. I told her all about Kitsume and she seemed to find it all funny. She said that she couldn't believe that I would act like some sorta father to Sakura. The day was okay. But mother told me that there would be more women to come in my apartment. I mean they could be in my room just looking in my underwear or stealing pictures of me! This is all so crazy... I hope she find someone that I'm interested for real...

The very next few weeks women came and went. All of them were pretty, famous, and rich. Not one... not even one made my heart feel happy. It only took a day just for them to leave. I even made sure that they didn't get inside without a pass from my mother. It was just crazy. I felt so tired of women. I wished that I would just have a break. So I told my mother that I would be hanging out with my friend and that I didn't want to see some girls in my room trying to make me like them. I was going to spend the day with Shinell. Who else is better to hang out with that Shinell? She's like my best friend now. I could feel that she was really my closest friend. But not really that close as Sakura, Eriol, Tomoyo, and Meiling. She's doesn't even know I have these powers or that I'm related to some ancient sorcerer Clow Reed.

"Oh... Look... wanna go to that place we first met?" Shinell asked. I looked at nodded as she grabbed my hand. We then entered the place and saw Sakura drinking there by herself as she read a book. "Wanna go sit with her?" I asked. Shinell nodded and went to Sakura. "Hey Sakura!" She said happily. "Shinell! Hey it's been a long time since I last saw you. How are you?" Sakura asked. "Great! Do you mind if Syaoran and I sit here with you?" She asked as she nodded. "I think I'll go to the bathroom. Syaoran could you order me a vanilla ice-cream??" Shinell asked me. "Sure." I said as she left. "So when did she started calling you Syaoran?" Sakura asked me. "Oh... For a while. So is your date over with Rei already?" Sakura nodded. "I went to this book story and yeah ended up here." She said. "Oh..." Just then a waitress came to me. "May I take your order?" She asked. "Um... we'll have a vanilla ice-cream and... chocolate pie please?" I said. "Oh... Are you two together?" She asked. "Why you wanna date him?" Sakura asked seeing that this would be her chance to get me a girlfriend. She shook her head. "I thought you two were together... Anyway you guys look like a cute couple." She said and left.

I couldn't believe this. I pushed back my chair making it look like it was about to fall. "Syaoran don't do that." Sakura said. But I ignored her. "You might fall..." She said. I placed my chair back and sighed. "Hey...? I just went to the bathroom you guys... You don't have to act like you still miss me." Shinell said teasing us. Sakura smiled as Shinell took a seat next to me. "So... Sakura how you putting up with the girls that would come over?" Shinell asked. "Well it's hard. Last time one of them thought I was Syaoran's girlfriend and sabotaged me and my room..." Sakura said. I laughed remembering seeing her with whip cream and cherries on her eyes. And once Sakura came out of her door to yell at me she got dumped with a whole bucket of maple syrup. Sakura glared at me as she gave me a hard kick. I shut my mouth trying my best to hold my screaming. Shinell looked at me in a worried face. "Is he okay?" She asked Sakura. "Syaoran...? He enjoys acting... You know..." She said. Shinell smiled. "Oh..."

After we left Shinell walked home by herself. I figured she'd be okay. I mean she may faint everyone and a while but she's tough. Sakura and I walked together home. "Hey Syaoran... Do you think I'll ever be really happy?" Sakura asked me we took a stroll in the park before heading home. I looked at her in confusion. Wasn't she happy already... with Rei? I stayed quiet and then answer, "Why are you... _sad_?" I asked. "Well I feel like I am... You know." She said. "I thought... Well I thought you were happy and all with Rei... I mean... You guys are a great couple and at least he gives you all these great gifts." I said. Sakura took a seat on a bench as I followed her and took a seat took. "Syaoran..." She said. But then shook her head. "Let's get home. It's getting late." She said and hurried home as I followed a few feet behind.

Sakura went straight to bed once we got in. But I decided to stay out in the living room and watch TV before the next day. I wonder who is going to be the next one. I wish it'd be someone more interesting though. There wasn't one that I liked. I sighed and flipped the channel. "Please let there be a girl somewhere..." I said to myself.

The very next day I woke up on the couch with a blanket on me. I slowly got up and saw someone cooking something decent. I looked at the cooker and thought that maybe this girl would be one of the girls my mother requested for me to meet. But it was just Sakura cooking. "Morning Syaoran." She said. I wiped the bottom of my nose with the side of my index finger. "Morning... I thought you were one of the girls that mom requested for me to met." I said. Sakura shook her head. "Nope it's just me." She said and she placed the food on a plate. "Wow looks good..." I said with some drool on my mouth. "Wipe that drool off and take a seat." Sakura said. I quickly wiped my drool and then sat down. "So why are you cooking?" I asked. She shrugged. "I woke up really early and I saw you on the couch snoring..." Sakura said. "_Soo..._ You looked pretty tired so I decided to cook..." She said acting like it was nothing. "Hmm... Maybe I should do that more often." I said with a laugh. "Don't push my limits Li." Sakura said with a warning. "Okay, okay." I said putting my hands in front of me.

Sakura and I quietly ate our breakfast together after she sat down. It was the most quietest meal I've ever had with Sakura. I then began to cough. "Um... Syaoran." Sakura said quietly. I looked at her in wonder. Sakura cleared her throuth. "Yeah...?" I asked,. "I was wondering... Maybe you should like... Well.. If you're not busy maybe we could hang out like... _before_. But we don't have to you know..." She said quickly. I looked at her in confusion. "Well... I guess. Maybe... I'll ask my mom you know." I said. Sakura smile. "Okay then... I guess it's a date!" She said as she quickly washed her dishes and went to the door. "See ya!" She said as she closed the door. "Date...?" I said to myself. "A _date_... with Sakura Kinomoto?" I said. I shook my head. This day was all so weird esspecially when my door opened up... It was one of the girls my mother picked for me. And I just couldn't believe that this was happening. It... It was...

_**A/n:** Sorry if this chapter is short. But I've been busy!! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!!! Please, please continue with the reviews!! Oh and by the way I'll be changing the title to "Love is full of confusion". Okie bye._


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